The Christian Life

Mommy Hoarding

Do you have trouble getting rid of your stuff?

Let’s form a support group.

Hi, I’m Anna and I am a neat freak hoarder. My house is in order. My floors are not sticky. Everything has a place. BUT I have too much of everything.

Unlike me, you might be on the messier side…or you may be WAY neater than me. BUT…are you hoarding stuff? Let’s see.

1. Old Jeans/All of your pre-baby clothes. Your jeans range 5 sizes (including maternity), and some are so old that they are cycling back into style (i.e. all of my bell bottoms-woohoo!!). Your boobs have long since fit into your favorite empire waist dress from your single days, but it’s still in your closet, hob-nobbing with your new clothes, because someday…someday. Old heels-let’s not even go there.

2. Stuffed Animals. You have stuffed animals coming out of your ears, even though your kiddo(s) have just a few they like. There are so many more, regulated to baskets and shelves either because they are 1. really cute (I’m talking to you, Ikea and Anthropolgie toys everywhere), or 2. Someone special gave them to you (the hand-me-down bunny from my sweet elderly neighbor). You are paralyzed, when you try to purge, because you feel bad for the person who gave you/your kid the toy (what if they find out??) and you also secretly feel bad for the toy (Velveteen Rabit Syndrome, VRS-it’s a real thing).

3. Ziplocks.  You finish whatever food was in a ziplock: let’s say a bunch of Costco Pecans. You have no plans in the super near future to buy more pecans, but throwing away a not super dirty ziplock irks you. So you throw it back in the pantry, to wait to be used again. When your husband finds said empty (albeit crumby) ziplock, you let him curse an extended family member whom he believes to the culprit, without correcting him.*

4. Gift bags/tissue paper. After an endless slew of baby showers and kid parties, by now you probably have something like 50 BUH-zillion bags and a stack of slightly crinkled tissue paper that could reach the moon. Sing with me: “We are never ever ever ever, running out of paper or gift bags!”

5. Kid Drawings.  You’ll never forget that first perfectly ugly craft Kiddo #1 brought home from church circa 4 years ago. You loved it so much, you left it enshrined amongst the ABC refridgerator magnets and 2011 Chrsitmas cards until it’s edges furled and its color faded. But now things are out of control. You can’t stop your small quiver from sneaking printer paper from the office and their adorable “Mommy and Daddy on a date” drawings are slowly and overtly taking over the walls, the table, the floor, and sometimes the doors.  Don’t even talk to me about ripped out Dora coloring pages and broken crayons. It’s madness, I tell you. MADNESS.

Very first craft ever
What the heck is this? Why do I still have it in my house?

6. Baby/Kid Clothes  You had a baby of one sex, then another of the same sex, then one of another sex. And even though you’re finished with your baby factory ways, that little blue 18 month GAP dress is too adorable to part with, as are all the rest of your children’s old clothes. Maybe all of the stuffed animals can wear them??

7. Pregnancy Sticks You got so excited that your pee stick(s) had that coveted little pink line that it immediately got stuffed in your dresser drawer, instead of the trash. Then you accidentally got sentimental about it. Everytime you saw it there looking back at you when you got your socks out, it whispered, “Oh….remember, this was the night…you found out…don’t throw me away, I’m so special,” and you wiped some tears. Lost in your mommy sentimentality you forgot to think, “hmmmm. I peed on that, and then didn’t wash it off.” And then you stuck it back in the drawer and kept on saving it.

8. Sippy Sippies Everywhere. Face it, you run the dishwasher every single day, so why do you have 17 sippy cups with coordinating (and missing) tops and straws for 2 kids? You can barely shut the sippy cup drawer and you find them all over the house, car, and stroller. Sippy Cups (shakes fist in air!)

So…who’s up for a garage sale/art show? Except for those Pregnancy tests and ziplocks, that is! Throw those suckers away!

*Sneak Peak: 5 Common Daddy Hoarder Practices (saving fast food cups everywhere will be there-can I get an AMEN?).

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